Song and testimony by Hannah Almasi, Women’s Apostolic Alliance Member
[song: Hannah Almasi- Hold on]
We ALL have days when we feel like giving up – that is just a fact. You know those days where you feel as though God has forgotten about you? He hasn’t, but we are human and sometimes our emotions distort even what we know to be true, and sometimes even if we are surrounded by people, we can still feel alone.
I wrote ‘Hold On’ at a time when I felt very alone. I had little self-worth and I really couldn’t see where my life was heading. I had shame and guilt from the past, and the enemy liked to remind me of my mistakes every day. The enemy would also have me believe that God was mad at me and didn’t want a relationship with someone like me. I had repented and walked out of the sin I was in, and God had forgiven me, but I hadn’t forgiven myself. I also had a wall up between God ‘the Father’ and myself because I struggled to relate to any kind of ‘father’ figure due to my earthly relationship with my biological father. I had a relationship with God, but to see Him as my Father was a very difficult truth for me to grasp.
One day, I had a strong urge to read the bible. I fought it, partly because I had too many questions every time I opened it and partly because I didn’t think it would help, because at times, I also struggled to understand a lot of it. However, I opened it up and began reading.
I was feeling a lot of guilt as my mind was full with the past and everything I felt I had done wrong. I remember thinking, ‘This world would be better off without me. I seem to make everything worse for myself and others. I can’t even keep a friendship without saying something to offend. Nobody actually truly cares about me or wants me in their life. There’s no reason for me to be alive.’ I was having the pity party of the century, really. However, this wasn’t just a passing thought, I had had it often, and this to me was the solution. If I wasn’t here, no one could hurt me and I couldn’t hurt them. My heart was broken, and in my mind nothing would ever be able to put it back together. I truly considered suicide this day.
As I was reading, I had a scripture fall into my heart, so I turned to it and it read:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have struggles but the Lord delivers him from them all.”
— Psalm 34:18
I had heard this scripture before, but this time it was as though it leapt off the page and into my heart. I felt a warmth all around me, and for the first time in a long time, it was as though my heart was full. I could actually feel something, and it was GOOD!
In that moment, the emotional pain left and I felt completely loved, completely forgiven, completely wanted and I had an overwhelming feeling of purpose in my spirit. I knew that God was right there with me and He was telling me that HE loves me and that HE wants me. I heard Him say four words to me that day, “Hold on to Me.” It had been so long since I had cried, I felt like I had been numb for so long. I felt depressed and I would dwell in pity for myself, but I couldn’t cry! I just couldn’t let it out. However, in this moment, I wept.
I then had another scripture fall into my heart and it read:
“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”
— Revelation 22:13
When I read this, I was filled with a fear and reverence for God. It was as though a light was turned on and my mind was clear and I was filled with wonder and awe that ‘the Creator, the Alpha and Omega, The First and the Last, the Beginning and the End,’ created and wanted… me? Wow! It was the first time that I truly had this revelation for myself, without anyone telling me. It was an instant shift in my spirit and I knew that I belonged to Him.
These scriptures are popular scriptures and I had heard people read them before, but I had never read them for myself, led by the Holy Spirit. I never had my OWN revelation of them. Before this encounter, they were just more scriptures in a book full of scriptures to me.
God had given me a revelation of His love for me. Simply because He loved me, I had worth and He had a purpose for my life. I knew that I needed to ‘Hold on to Him’ and trust that whatever I was going through and whatever I would go through, that He would be there every step of the way, guiding me, protecting me, and loving me.
GOD IS LOVE
Not just love, but unconditional love. Regardless of where you’ve been or what you’ve done, He just wants a relationship with you. You are His created one, and He accepts you just as you are right now. He wants you to come to Him so that He can love you into healing and freedom. He isn’t angry with you and He holds no grudges. He created you personally and purposefully.
If you are holding on to your past today, if you are feeling worthless, if you are feeling shame and guilt… Come to HIM, reach out and ask Him to love you through it. God is faithful and He is able.
He knows your beginning, He writes your ending, has grace for your mistakes and a plan for your VICTORY! Hold on to Him!
This encounter with God was the inspiration for my song, ‘Hold On’. I trust that it will bless you. For those struggling with receiving the unconditional love of God, I trust that it will position you to receive that which only He can give, and fill that which only He can satisfy.
