Poem by Bonita Mills, Women’s Apostolic Alliance member
I hate that mirror that so inconsiderately leans itself against my bedroom wall
Behind its frame are the indents it has left after so many years of permanence
Look at it. Just look at it.
It’s so… shameless
as though these very walls gave it its place and celebrate its presence
I hate that mirror
It’s too tall, too round, too crooked
It’s too dull, too bland, too ordinary
It’s not thin enough, not pretty enough, not lovely enough
It’s too shy, too awkward, too stupid
Nothing good will ever come of it
I hate that mirror, that tricky, tricky mirror
Tilted this way and it whispers to me all those sweet nothings I so long to hear
But tomorrow when I wake no amount of movement will move me from the volume of those voices that amplify my every failure, every fracture and every flaw
Like a bad record set to repeat, they remind me of all the things that I am not
That mirror hates me.
Most days, that mirror is not my friend
It reminds me constantly that I am not enough,
murmuring thoughts of darkness, criticism and disapproval
My sister’s mirror is so much prettier than mine.
Everyone thinks so.
I hate that mirror that won’t forgive and won’t forget,
that does not relent and refuses to quiet
I hate that mirror that won’t be stilled,
decisively reaching for its weapons – reminders, thoughts, accusations
I hate that mirror that once stood unchallenged in my mother’s bedroom
But today is different
Because today I opened Your Word and read of your Son,
who gave His life for the girl I have spent so many years disqualifying
As I gaze at her and she gazes back,
I begin to see the toll that my cruelty has had on her soul,
I become aware of the daughters and granddaughters
that look to her now for how to see and value themselves
I am faced with the responsibility to guard my heart,
and the hearts of those who follow closely in my footsteps
Today I have chosen to reject the power that that mirror once held
And instead meditate on the truth of your Word – a reflection truly worth embracing
