Mirror Mirror

Poem by Bonita Mills, Women’s Apostolic Alliance member

I hate that mirror that so inconsiderately leans itself against my bedroom wall

Behind its frame are the indents it has left after so many years of permanence

Look at it. Just look at it.

It’s so… shameless

as though these very walls gave it its place and celebrate its presence

I hate that mirror

It’s too tall, too round, too crooked

It’s too dull, too bland, too ordinary

It’s not thin enough, not pretty enough, not lovely enough

It’s too shy, too awkward, too stupid

Nothing good will ever come of it

I hate that mirror, that tricky, tricky mirror

Tilted this way and it whispers to me all those sweet nothings I so long to hear

But tomorrow when I wake no amount of movement will move me from the volume of those voices that amplify my every failure, every fracture and every flaw

Like a bad record set to repeat, they remind me of all the things that I am not

That mirror hates me.

Most days, that mirror is not my friend

It reminds me constantly that I am not enough,

murmuring thoughts of darkness, criticism and disapproval

My sister’s mirror is so much prettier than mine.

Everyone thinks so.

I hate that mirror that won’t forgive and won’t forget,

that does not relent and refuses to quiet

I hate that mirror that won’t be stilled,

decisively reaching for its weapons – reminders, thoughts, accusations

I hate that mirror that once stood unchallenged in my mother’s bedroom

But today is different

Because today I opened Your Word and read of your Son,

who gave His life for the girl I have spent so many years disqualifying

As I gaze at her and she gazes back,

I begin to see the toll that my cruelty has had on her soul,

I become aware of the daughters and granddaughters

that look to her now for how to see and value themselves

I am faced with the responsibility to guard my heart,

and the hearts of those who follow closely in my footsteps

Today I have chosen to reject the power that that mirror once held

And instead meditate on the truth of your Word – a reflection truly worth embracing

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