Testimony by Bonita Mills, Women’s Apostolic Alliance member
During Passover 2018, my husband and I found ourselves in the emergency department, as doctors and nurses explained that multiple scans had confirmed that I had either miscarried or was just about to. I had been bleeding a lot in the afternoon, and although the bleeding appeared to have stopped, the scans still showed a substantial amount of blood in my womb that appeared to be coming from baby. Although not uncommon in the early stages of pregnancy, doctors were unable to find a heartbeat. I remember asking, almost pleading for the doctors to offer us some hope that things would be okay, but they graciously explained that it was very unlikely and handed us some papers explaining where to from there.
As we left the hospital and walked back to the car, my heart hurt so much. You just don’t ever consider something like that happening to you. My faith in Jesus caused me to look to and for Him in the midst of a very painful situation. I don’t remember feeling a tangible presence like I have in times past, but I felt a closeness to Christ that I don’t quite have words for. It was as though the history of our relationship, the culmination of every comfort, every experience of His good nature and favour, every deliverance and moment of redemption left me with a knowledge and faith that He was always near and that no matter what, would be faithful to work all things together for good. I was reminded of countless scriptures where the Lord had spoken of and had honoured His covenant with His people. But I was also aware that there were good, godly people in this world who had experienced tragedy, heartache and loss. I considered the scripture, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt 5:4) and thought, Lord, how great is your comfort that a man could be considered blessed to mourn?
I have no problem standing in faith, believing that God can do miracles in our favour. I’ve seen Him do it in the past, but the relationship I have with Him urged me to seek out His voice before presuming anything. The following morning He spoke so clearly, reminding me of words I had written almost a year prior.
“Fear not little one, growing in the womb, even now you contend and have victory of life over death
Fear not little one, growing in the womb, even now you have a future and call
Beloved little one, growing in the womb, even now you will be a sign to the evil one of the things to come
Even now little one, even now you stand as a light in the face of darkness”
Read the full poem here.
I read these words and my heart was filled with faith. I declared them aloud aware of who my real enemy was. To some, this might just seem like appropriate words for a terrible situation. But what a lot of people might not know is that some years ago God had spoken to me about having a daughter one day and had even given me a name for her – and with that name, somewhat an idea of her nature. Nahla Ray means “Beloved light that shines in a dark place”. The words I had written, without any knowledge of what the future might hold, served as a very specific declaration of life over a very particular unborn baby girl.
I’m pleased to say that two weeks later a scan showed a thriving baby, with a strong heartbeat. The medical staff who had conducted the scan were amazed that baby was alive and doing so well. Without knowing a thing about our faith, only having the previous scans in hand along with the most recent ones, the head medical staff at the early pregnancy department explained that we had had a miracle. Not only was baby thriving, but the blood they had seen on previous scans had disappeared and they didn’t quite have an explanation for us as to where it had gone.
A year later, my husband and I were able to share our first Passover with our baby girl in our arms.
I share all this because I want to testify of the goodness and faithfulness of God in my life. I was 16 when I encountered the reality of Christ and chose to follow Him wholeheartedly, and even now I am continually amazed by His provision, goodness and kindness towards me.
I want people to know that they are loved beyond their wildest dreams or imagination. So much so that the Son of God freely gave His own life and died a horrifying death on the cross to save us from the penalty of our sins. He rose from the grave after 3 days, defeating death and providing a way for redemption through faith in Him.
I want people to know that sin is serious! It’s the thing that separates us from the Giver of Life, from Love itself. Death comes for every man, and with it the pending judgement and consequence of sin. Jesus’ sacrifice alone is the only thing that can atone for our sin. Through Him, and only through Him we have redemption and forgiveness – by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.
I want people to know that they have an enemy, who is relentless in his pursuit and desire to steal, kill and destroy. As a society I feel we have been dumbed down to the reality of the devil and his intentions for mankind, making him no more than a joke – but even from your conception, he has been at work to destroy you and everyone you love.
I want people to know that the love of God is better than life, and that peace, true peace, can only be found in Christ. “I have told you these things so that in Me, you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
There are no guarantees that life will be a bed of roses. Loss is a very real part of a fallen world. But Christ, our Passover, defeated sin and rose victorious over death, and as such, the end of this life is merely a beginning.
And on that note, I want people to know that eternity is very real! And that the only way to the Father is through Jesus Christ, His Son. If all roads led to heaven, the Father would never have had to sacrifice His Son as He did on that cross.
Mostly, I want people to know that God is good and He is just. That relationships take time to build and grow, but a relationship with Him is tangible and real. He offers us a covenant in which His Son paid the highest price that we might walk with Him. The temptation of sin, the indulgence of sin separates us from Him and His good nature… and it’s just not worth it.
“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name” John 1:12
I urge you, if you have not yet, call on Him today, receive Him as Lord and Saviour, believe and confess that He died on the cross and rose again to save you from sin, repent of your sin and receive forgiveness and with it the sonship of God. Then pick up your own cross and follow Christ. With all my heart I hope for you to experience His faithfulness in this life. I hope this testimony of His goodness points you to Him and His love.
Sincerely,
Bonita Mills
