Testimony by Bonita Mills, Women’s Apostolic Alliance member

During  Passover 2018, my husband and I found ourselves in the emergency  department, as doctors and nurses explained that multiple scans had  confirmed that I had either miscarried or was just about to. I had been  bleeding a lot in the afternoon, and although the bleeding appeared to  have stopped, the scans still showed a substantial amount of blood in my  womb that appeared to be coming from baby. Although not uncommon in the  early stages of pregnancy, doctors were unable to find a heartbeat. I  remember asking, almost pleading for the doctors to offer us some hope  that things would be okay, but they graciously explained that it was  very unlikely and handed us some papers explaining where to from there.

As we left the hospital and walked back to the car, my heart hurt so  much. You just don’t ever consider something like that happening to you.  My faith in Jesus caused me to look to and for Him in the midst of a  very painful situation. I don’t remember feeling a tangible presence  like I have in times past, but I felt a closeness to Christ that I don’t  quite have words for. It was as though the history of our relationship,  the culmination of every comfort, every experience of His good nature  and favour, every deliverance and moment of redemption left me with a  knowledge and faith that He was always near and that no matter what,  would be faithful to work all things together for good. I was reminded  of countless scriptures where the Lord had spoken of and had honoured  His covenant with His people. But I was also aware that there were good,  godly people in this world who had experienced tragedy, heartache and  loss. I considered the scripture, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they  shall be comforted” (Matt 5:4) and thought, Lord, how great is your  comfort that a man could be considered blessed to mourn?

I have  no problem standing in faith, believing that God can do miracles in our  favour. I’ve seen Him do it in the past, but the relationship I have  with Him urged me to seek out His voice before presuming anything. The  following morning He spoke so clearly, reminding me of words I had  written almost a year prior.

“Fear not little one, growing in the womb, even now you contend and have victory of life over death

Fear not little one, growing in the womb, even now you have a future and call

Beloved little one, growing in the womb, even now you will be a sign to the evil one of the things to come

Even now little one, even now you stand as a light in the face of darkness”

Read the full poem here.

I read these words and my heart was filled with faith. I declared them  aloud aware of who my real enemy was. To some, this might just seem like  appropriate words for a terrible situation. But what a lot of people  might not know is that some years ago God had spoken to me about having a  daughter one day and had even given me a name for her – and with that  name, somewhat an idea of her nature. Nahla Ray means “Beloved light  that shines in a dark place”. The words I had written, without any  knowledge of what the future might hold, served as a very specific declaration of life over a very particular unborn baby girl.

I’m  pleased to say that two weeks later a scan showed a thriving baby, with  a strong heartbeat. The medical staff who had conducted the scan were  amazed that baby was alive and doing so well. Without knowing a thing  about our faith, only having the previous scans in hand along with the  most recent ones, the head medical staff at the early pregnancy  department explained that we had had a miracle. Not only was baby  thriving, but the blood they had seen on previous scans had disappeared  and they didn’t quite have an explanation for us as to where it had  gone.

A year later, my husband and I were able to share our first Passover with our baby girl in our arms.

 I share all this because I want to testify of the goodness and  faithfulness of God in my life. I was 16 when I encountered the reality  of Christ and chose to follow Him wholeheartedly, and even now I am  continually amazed by His provision, goodness and kindness towards me.

 I want people to know that they are loved beyond their wildest dreams  or imagination. So much so that the Son of God freely gave His own life  and died a horrifying death on the cross to save us from the penalty of  our sins. He rose from the grave after 3 days, defeating death and  providing a way for redemption through faith in Him.

I want  people to know that sin is serious! It’s the thing that separates us  from the Giver of Life, from Love itself. Death comes for every man, and  with it the pending judgement and consequence of sin. Jesus’ sacrifice  alone is the only thing that can atone for our sin. Through Him, and  only through Him we have redemption and forgiveness – by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.

I want  people to know that they have an enemy, who is relentless in his pursuit  and desire to steal, kill and destroy. As a society I feel we have been dumbed down to the reality of the devil and his intentions for mankind,  making him no more than a joke – but even from your conception, he has  been at work to destroy you and everyone you love.

I want people  to know that the love of God is better than life, and that peace, true  peace, can only be found in Christ. “I have told you these things so  that in Me, you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble,  but take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

There are no  guarantees that life will be a bed of roses. Loss is a very real part of  a fallen world. But Christ, our Passover, defeated sin and rose  victorious over death, and as such, the end of this life is merely a  beginning.

And on that note, I want people to know that eternity  is very real! And that the only way to the Father is through Jesus  Christ, His Son. If all roads led to heaven, the Father would never have  had to sacrifice His Son as He did on that cross.

Mostly, I  want people to know that God is good and He is just. That relationships  take time to build and grow, but a relationship with Him is tangible and  real. He offers us a covenant in which His Son paid the highest price  that we might walk with Him. The temptation of sin, the indulgence of  sin separates us from Him and His good nature… and it’s just not worth  it.

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name” John 1:12

I urge you, if you have not yet, call on Him today, receive Him as Lord and Saviour, believe  and confess that He died on the cross and rose again to save you from  sin, repent of your sin and receive forgiveness and with it the sonship  of God. Then pick up your own cross and follow Christ. With all my heart  I hope for you to experience His faithfulness in this life. I hope this  testimony of His goodness points you to Him and His love.


Bonita Mills

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